I felt angry at a friend and found myself being angry at myself for being angry; thus creating lots and lots of room to feel, ummm, angry. But I didn't want to feel it you see. I just didn't want to be bothered with anger. What a pain! Here's a little nugget of a poem to explain: I call it Stupid Anger. By Mary Tebbs.
Like it or not
No matter how hard I've fought
'Don't get mad!' has been my thought
Know what I've still got
Stupid anger
Then it came to me
Just give in a breathe
And what rose up in me
Was a delicious SCREAM
And then I felt better
The end
Yup. That's right...ANGER! It can be as fun or as playful or as scary as we make it. I was making it scary because part of me has been attached to the idea that anger equals violence when in reality they are nothing alike. Fear breeds violence not anger. What I learned was that all the fighting I was doing to not have my anger only got me more of it. And as soon as I decided it was ok to feel it, to actually have fun with it and appreciate it, then I was able to move through it. And what was on the other side of the anger is what is usually on the other side of feeling my sadness or fear or anger....lovely, delicious, exhilirating open space. The kind of space where more love and fun resides. The kind of space where I feel more inspired and more enlivened.
So I spoke my feelings to my friend and he was brilliantly and beautifully open to hearing and allowing me to have it. So thanks friend! And thanks me for becoming more friendly with my anger and creating an experience to learn more about myself and how I choose to play in the world.
Have you had an opportunity to be pissed off this week? If so, how can you have some easeful, playful fun with it? Is there an angry poem in you too? If so, I'd love to hear it. Or maybe you'll dance an angry dance? I'd love to hear any of your experiences with anger and what you did with it.
This week at the Circle we will play with anger and appreciation and the provocative dance that they can create together.
See you in the garden!
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3 comments:
Funny this would be the topic today. I was POed yesterday....and the day before... My friends invited me to feel my feelings. HMPH! So, I feel angry today...and then I get on your blog and ...tada! I won't yap on about where I am ...it's on my blog. Thanks Mary for presencing. I love your willingness to play and shift. Thank you for being an example!
I can't believe you would even suggest that anger can be fun. When I am angry it is serious. SERIOUS......now you got me all wound up and grumpy. GEEZ.
Oh. And you are Adorable.
Anger/fear. Fear first, and then anger: How dare they...(Throw the ball) What the fuck that...(Ball) Why can't you see that I am afraid? (Ball) And just not be mad at me because You are afraid of my anger? (Ball)Don't you see that I am afraid that you will be mad at me(ball) FUCK!!!!!(Ball) Anger is so much easier than being sad, or scared.(BALL) FUCK!!!! Now my shoulders are earrings, my ears hurt because my jaw is so tight, FUCK!!! (BALL)Even the bottoms of my feet are so hot that running away is impossible,(BALL)my knees (especially the right one, the one that tells me that I kNEED RIGHT NOW)is stiff and tight FUCK!!! Fuck fuck fuck fuck, f f f f,(BALL)
Bowling for me is a great way to move feelings. Often,my best games look like this.
Luv,
Melodee
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